Guilt Management Style

While my personal life often leaves me at a loss, my business life has always come easy to me. Not all aspects of my business life and every day is definitely not a walk in the park but from a mental standpoint...I feel pretty ok when it comes to work. While I can have a difficult conversation with someone at work; in my personal life it is quite different. So through my mental health journey, I find myself often comparing personal situations to business because I feel like business makes more sense. In business, it is about logic and rational thinking. There is no room for emotions, it is about getting the job done. As soon as I sprinkle in emotions, things change.

If families had a management style, mine has a guilt management style. Power and control exist when the guilt trip is effective. I have usually thought of guilt as something you feel when you do something bad or hurt someone...murder someone...you know, serious stuff. :). But in all seriousness, often the Guilt Management Style exists and thrives in a system where the person being guilted BELIEVES they are bad or hurt someone or failed in some way. Notice I said BELIEVES. I think in many cases it is based on a false narrative in your head. Those negative thoughts that creep in and control us without us even realizing they are there. I feel like those false negative beliefs are what makes us susceptible to this kind of guilt. The guilt that isn't a direct result of a mistake, actual failure or f*ck up. It's feeling guilty when your rational mind is wondering why the hell you are even guilty... but feel guilty nonetheless.

Unfortunately this is how our family has been managed from generation to generation and it is so hard to break that cycle. It took me a long time to even realize this is what was happening. Most of the family have no idea this is how things are being managed...even when they are the one issuing the guilt trip. It just seems natural and has become a part of the fabric of our family. This is why it is impossible to break the cycle. When the family unit believes this is how a family is to function...it is hard to make them see otherwise.

I don't have an answer on how to break this cycle. I unfortunately see myself managing in this same way sometimes in my personal relationships. Then I feel guilty for issuing a guilt trip...and the cycle continues. I think the key lies in tackling those negative thoughts in my own head first so I can't be controlled by the guilt management style.